Cat Eyes on Michael Berryman and Bloody Tubs

As the world’s most notorious possessed pussycat, I FEEL LIKE ONE COOL CAT getting to work with horror icons. For episode 9, I got to add Michael Berryman to that list of guest stars who I’ve worked with on set that include Lee Meriwether; Nina Hartley; Barbara Nedeljakova, and Ashley C. Williams. You may know Michael Berryman from the cult classic horror film The Hills Have Eyes but I know him as the mysterious dude that popped up on my doorstep while I was trying to have a romantic dinner. Still – the host of guests that come into my life because Nick decided to do a web-series about me is pretty funny. But have no doubt…Michael Berryman’s face is going to look scarier than ever if I ever get my claws on him.

If you have no clue what I’m talking about check out Episode 9 “Blood Bath” from the world’s greatest comedy horror web-series Hell’s Kitty!

 

Love & Hate (two parts of the same paw),

Angel

9 Reasons I Cut Catwoman (A.K.A. Nick’s Grandma)

1)   She tried to put her filthy paws on me.

2)   To cut her out of the picture before she got too comfortable.

3)   Cause there’s only room for one hellcat in the house.

4)   She didn’t let me eat her cookie.

5)   I didn’t want her fleas.

6)   All’s fair in love and war.

7)   To prevent an even greater CATastrophe.

8)   I used to love her, but I had to cut her.

9)  Three’s a crowd.

Angel

“Behind Closed Doors”

We never know truly what evil lurks behind a partially closed door. If you’re reading this blog it’s likely because you waited until the end credits and listened to my voice over, and decided that you wanted to know because you’re nosey like a bloodhound. Otherwise, you happened to just stumble upon this blog, in which case, don’t be a dumb as a dog, go back and watch episode 7, so you understand what I’m talking about.  You can see it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=080gwnFPqe4

As for what’s behind the mysterious door, I’ll be dammed more than I already am if I go and spoil it for you. You will find out soon enough, when you watch Episode 8. So for now, I can tell you this, just because I’m in a good mood.

It’s one of five things:

1)  Cerberus the hellhound.

2)  A warning note.

3)  A bloody slipper.

4)  Lisa’s switchblade.

5)  Adam dressed like a burn victim.

So humor me and guess by leaving your comments. Whoever leaves a comment with the correct answer (provided you aren’t part of the Hell’s Kitty Crew) will be given an honorable meow meow mention on our Facebook page, and may receive a special gift from yours truly, if you don’t annoy me. So…guess well, my kitties. Until the next time…

P.S. Episode eight stars a very special guest who many of you will know as one of the original Cat Women.

Killer Regards,

 

Angel

 

“What I Think of Cheaters (AKA Lisa)”

Angel Hates Cheaters

1) I don’t think of CHEATERS, except when imaging what they’ll look like with my claws up their nostrils.

2) CHEATERS should die a miserable death, than have to live life again, just so that they can die ONCE MORE.

3) CHEATERS should be forced to walk on all fours in 110 degrees of desert heat until they puke up fur balls.

 4) Cheaters serve a purpose; they give us great pleasure when we tear their hearts out.

5) Cheaters cheat because they know if they played by the rules they’d lose miserably, so instead, they cheat and still lose because felines like me make sure of it.

6) Cheating NEVER PAYS but cheaters can GET PAID BACK PAINFULLY.

“Why I Dominate!”

I am puuurfect, full of poise and grace. If I fall I always land on my feet. I’ve got “real” claws ladies…so, put your fake nails away!  While most women have only one life to live…I’ve got NINE! I don’t need make-up, I can see in the dark…and even better yet…I’m supernatural. I’m not your average feline. I’ve got abilities you haven’t even begun to see yet. I’m in league with the forces of feline darkness. There’s not a woman in the world that can keep up with me. As soon as Nick realizes it he’ll be sorry for even wasting his time with other women! I’ll make it simple. Here’s my list:

6 Reasons…I Dominate

1) I always land on my feet. (ok, paws, but it’s the same thing)

2) I got real claws. (NOT fake nails)

3) I got eight extra lives (cats got nine to your one)

4) I don’t need make-up.

5) I can see in the dark.

6) I’m so super; I’m supernatural biotches!

Yours Truly,

Angel 

“CAT SCRATCH FEVER”

Angel demonstrates cat scratch fever for fans!

 

I look at Lisa, as a DISEASE… She suffers from the type of self-centered narcissistic POODLE POOP most actresses in Hollywood suffer from. 1) She thinks her litter doesn’t stink 2) She’s thinks she’ll one day be hugely famous. 3) She thinks the world should crawl around her on tippy paws. That’s ok, because she’s now dealing with powers beyond her understanding. And it doesn’t take much to go beyond her understanding believe me.  Soon she will decay and die.

LISA SUFFERS from what Ted Nugent calls, “CAT SCRATCH FEVER.” The disease called Cat Scratch Fever is also known as, Bartonella Henselae. It’s typically spread through contact with an infected cat bite or scratch. Symptoms include: bumps or blisters, fatigue, swelling, headache, and of course…duh…fever. If you’ve seen the first episode, you know how Lisa got it. And I take ALL THE CREDIT.

But I assure you…just as I’m no ordinary adorable, cute, sexy, smart, seductive, succulent, and sassy KITTY CAT – this is no ordinary version of the fever, either. While Lisa may be a GINORMOUS 3B (Brat, Baby, Bimbo), she’s going to suffer dearly…I’ve put a hex on her that’s just started to spread. And why shouldn’t I? She tried to move in on my man. All who do so shall suffer an ugly demise! So stay tuned…oh and…TED NUGENT ROCKS!!!

Check out our www.possessedpets.com for our newest episodes!

Yours truly,

Angel

“TOP 10 WAYS TO TORTURE AN ANNOYING NEIGHBOR”

Angel Evil Eyes

1. Poop in the litter box when they visit.

2. Eat a spider and puke it up in front of them.

3. Hide a dead bird in their shoes.

4. Eat their food.

5. Put dirty paws and hair in their drink.

6. Cough up a fur ball into their lap.

7. Claw their feet constantly.

8. Scratch scalp then piss on their bloody head.

9. Claw out an eyeball, or two.

10. Scratch and bite genitals like a dog.

Love,

Angel

“WHY THIS PUSSY HATES BITCHES”

First, this is my blog (duh). Second, I’m a cat, which means, I don’t have a thumb (double duh) so don’t expect much. Still I’ve got claws and I know how to use ‘em. (Think: ZZ Top’s hit song “She’s Got Legs” but only with the word “claws” instead of “legs”).

I want you to know that you’re puuuurty privileged to be reading this, since it may be the only blog on the planet written by a cat. I was going to call it FCBC (For Cats By Cats, but it’s not for cats, since cats are NAWT my readers. Cats don’t read blogs, stupids! They got better things to do. Like eat, and sleep, and dip the nip. Unless, they happen to be possessed like me.

I know what you’re thinking, why am I possessed, and why am I reading a blog from a cat? Well, I can’t answer that for you right now, because what I tell you might freak you out, so, you’ll just have to keep watching our episodes to find out. Just go to http://www.mypussyspossessed.com to watch for yourself. Our first episode launches in September 2011.

Basically, my problem is that Nick (you can call him my owner, I prefer boyfriend) doesn’t realize that I’m the only girl for him. He’s got what he needs right here at home, soft, cuddly, sexy, puuuurfect.

Yeah, I can be a little demanding at times, but that’s because I know what I want, and I deserve it. I’m one sexy cat, not some ugly butt faced dog. These skinny Hollywood bitches…I don’t know what he sees in em anyway, they’re just skin and bones, and you know how the story goes, only a dog likes a bone.

Well, that’s it for now. Nick’s waking up, and he’s going to totally freak out if he CATches me on his computer!

Later kitties,

Angel